Getting Skunked: A Field Guide

Skunked. Zero fish. Not small fish, not short fish. None. Every angler knows the word and every angler has lived it, usually after telling someone at work about the big weekend planned. This is the official field guide.

Stage one: denial

The first hour of nothing is not nothing, it is scouting. You are dialing it in. The fish are just deep, or shallow, or suspended, or in a different lake.

Stage two: blame the equipment

The bait is wrong. The color is wrong. The line is too visible, which is a sentence you have never said on a day you caught fish. A lure change occurs. Then six more.

Stage three: negotiation

You begin making deals with a body of water. One fish and you will leave happy. One bite and you will not even set the hook, you just want to know they exist. The lake does not negotiate.

Stage four: acceptance

Somewhere past the point of caring, it gets quiet and honestly kind of nice. The water does its thing. You did show up. That was the certifiable part.

Approved excuses, ranked by believability

• ▸Cold front came through. Nobody can argue with a front.
• ▸Pressure change. Completely unfalsifiable.
• ▸They were on beds. Ethical restraint, actually.
• ▸Too nice out. Bluebird skies. Everyone knows.
• ▸The lake gets a lot of pressure. From whom? Not you, apparently.

What to say when you get home

Say it was slow. Slow is the professional term. Then wash the smell of nothing off your hands, hang the gear up wrong, and start checking the wind for next Saturday. Membership continues.

Wear the condition with pride. It is the most honest shirt we make.

From the club shop

Skunked Again

$39.99

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